I wanted to sit down and write something so deep,
Accompanied by a whole bunch of bullshit that doesn’t define me.
But life has taken the filters off my mind,
And I can’t do nothing but speak truth in these lines.
I don’t know whether to start with my issues of being black
Or my problems with being an uncensored woman.
With me being a child who knew too much,
Or with my being twenty-eight, looking forward to Jesus’ coming.
The strongest thought that rapes my mentality
Is not understanding how my husband continues to love me.
I want to divorce him so he can be free from my personality,
But I can’t survive the thought of him not being next to me.
I’ve always talked about my daddy issues,
But I have mommy issues, too.
After twenty years, I finally told my bitterness that we’re through.
Releasing my mom from my anger was the highlight of my life;
Letting her know that she was free from my hatred was the best night of my life.
I’m all up in my feelings—
It doesn’t happen all the time.
I’m a very numb human being.
I never know the right emotion—
Whether to cry or laugh.
To walk away
Or show you that you won’t like me when I’m mad.
So, I give it to God,
And let Him sort it all out.
I have to eliminate the me factor,
And travel His route.
Which I rarely do with a smile, by the way,
Because I’ve always made my own decisions…
Which always had me trying to water down my feelings…
Which is way more expensive than Kleenex.
Please excuse me for rambling on.
I’m finally sober,
And these emotions are so strong.
I’ve always felt that I would be the death of me,
So it’s hard to believe
That I’m actually in front of you guys.
Such a lovely audience here tonight.
I beg your forgiveness for not delivering anything deep.
I just had to unload baggages of me.